At my office I am surrounded by the English. British in fact. Opposite me sits a Welsh and a Scottish girl. They are bonny lassies. To my left is also a Scot. She is also bonny. In the distance I can see two more of the English. One of these is a Northerner. He is from Lancashire.
This is a common greeting for those from the North. It means 'hello'.
The Northerners are shunned by both the Southerners and the Scots. They are British nevertheless. They are part of the United Kingdom. There is also an Irish. There is always an Irish. I can also see an American and behind me sit three more English. These three are all Londoners. There is also a Kiwi and a Japanese guy. There is only one other Australian where I work and he sits near me.
He is from Adelaide.
He is a South Australian.
We all get along very well in our office. We interact both professionally and socially. We have a laugh. One of the English is a bit of a larrikin. He enjoys a prank. He likes a good joke. This Englishman is a strapping lad. He is six feet seven inches in the old scale. Two meters in the metric. He is a very big unit whichever way you measure him. The girls love him.
We all do.
All Pranksters needs victims. This English bloke - the big fella - he prefers his Australian.
We respect it.
We like ours British.
I was an early victim. When I was new.
I was caught unawares.
I was easy pickings.
There were a few of us in Bombay and we had been in meetings all day. We were productive. We shared a very good curry for dinner. It was a great curry actually. They always are in Bombay. It was where curry was invented. As is usual we all stayed at the same hotel. A hang-on-your-door room service breakfast menu was completed for me and then it was hung on my door. Unbeknown to me until breakfast arrived. At 4.30am. Every item on the menu had been ordered. This was followed up by a 5.30am wake up call. A most excellent double.
Nice one Poms.
The other Aussie - the South Australian - was got recently. He'd been making noise for a while about an upcoming holiday. He was going on vacation. It was a golf trip and he was going for a week. With his mates. From Australia.
As the day of his departure neared he got more excited and more vocal. He said "bewdy" a lot and rubbed his hands together. He was gleeful. For those of us not going (which was all of us) he was too happy. Way too happy. He left on a Friday and he had booked an early afternoon flight. He came to the office with his golf bag and his suitcase in tow. He was taking a taxi straight to the airport. Silly boy.
He didn't think.
The English Pranksters.
It was too easy.
It was manna from heaven.
When lured to a last minute meeting - the English removed all socks, underwear and toiletries from his suitcase - and his shoes. They were secreted away. The victim was emailed a photo of the articles as he was boarding his flight. He took it stoically. He saw the humor.
It was a beauty.
It was a cracker.