I am leaving
London sans Royal Baby memorabilia. "Sans" is French for
"without". I am unsure why I have just used it now but I have used it
before and I will likely use it again.
The House of
Windsor have not yet approved any Royal baby memorabilia so I could not get any
Royal Baby George tea towels or stubby holders or mugs to bring back to
Singapore with me.
I am
disappointed.
I am also a
tad disgruntled to be leaving London as it is one of the Great cities of the
World. I quite like a lot of Englishness and London is full of it. It is only
some of the English who annoy me and who I don't like.
Great Cities
have a buzz. New York, Tokyo, Hong Kong, Sydney Rome, and Paris and there are
others as well. Buzz cities. London is one. It is Summer in London and there
has been a Royal Baby born so there was an even bigger buzz than normal.
My departure
from London is imminent.
My bag is packed and I have checked out of my hotel and I am sitting in the British Airways Business Class Lounge at Terminal Five in Heathrow Airport. There are a lot of people here and they are all on the move.
We are all of us leaving London.
My bag is packed and I have checked out of my hotel and I am sitting in the British Airways Business Class Lounge at Terminal Five in Heathrow Airport. There are a lot of people here and they are all on the move.
We are all of us leaving London.
I feel some
sadness at leaving. That is an adequate enough descriptor of the emotion. It is
not as deep a feeling of sadness that I experience when I leave Sydney or
Melbourne or Kathmandu - but it is a sadness nevertheless.
It is melancholy.
I appreciate
the architectural and historical glory of London and I love the palaces and the
castles and the ancient buildings. I like the beautiful gardens and the well
preserved facades and statues and arches and museums. They are everywhere and I
will miss them.
I love Harrods
and Marks and Spencers and Sainsbury's and Waitroses. I love the pubs with
names like the Lamb and Flag and the Barrow and Bush and the Pig and Whistle.
They are classic and are very English.
In a nice sort
of a way.
I like the
Monarchy and all of it's pomp and ceremony and I love the drivers of the London
Black Cabs.
I like the
word 'pomp.' I enjoy both writing it and saying it. As a general rule I like
words that begin and end with the letter 'p'. Pomp. Pimp. Pump. Poop.
Pomp means
splendid and magnificent and London is full of it.
I have caught
many a Black Cab during my brief week in London. The Black Cabs of London are
no longer just black though. The Black Cabs I caught were grey and white
and only two were black. Canary Wharf is a fairly isolated place to stay and I
had social meetings with friends one night in Shepherds Bush Green and another
in Covent Garden. I caught Black Cabs to and fro.
The drivers of
all Black Cabs in London are still required to do the Knowledge. This is the
test for getting a London Taxi license. Passing the Knowledge is required no matter
what color the Black Cab you drive is. It is mandatory and you get a badge and
a license to drive when you have completed it.
The Knowledge
is regarded as being the most difficult taxi licensing test in the world. The
taxi license test that is required in Sydney is far simpler. All that is needed
to drive a taxi in Sydney is proof that you can not speak English, you do not
know your way around the city, you are a very dangerous driver and you will
scream into your mobile telephone the whole time that you will be driving.
It is that easy.
It is that easy.
The process of
"Taking the Knowledge" was initiated in London in the year 1865 and
it has changed little since. The very best can complete it in two years but for
others it may take up to a decade. The Knowledge requires that all drivers be
able to navigate their way around all of Greater London without consulting a
map or using a GPS. It is the ability to recall the location of every street,
lane, road, avenue, motorway, expressway, circle and boulevard in London. The
Black Cab Drivers of London must be able to know their way around London
intimately.
This is the
Knowledge.
The sixth
century Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu wrote that:
"To
attain knowledge add things every day. To attain wisdom remove things
every day"
I just thought
that I would throw that one in there. It was written long before motor vehicles or Black Cabs were invented.
One of the
Black Cab drivers I used in London told me that acquiring the Knowledge was the
hardest thing that he had ever done. His name was Stan. I guessed that Stan and
I were about the same age. I told Stan that I was not surprised that it was
very hard.
Stan - the
driver of my Black Cab driver was not black and nor was his taxi, The taxi was
grey and he was white. Stan was a Londoner. When I asked him about doing the
Knowledge he told me:
'It wuz
'arder than dooin' me schoolin'
"What
exactly is involved in doing the Knowledge then Stan?" I put to him.
"Appearances
guvnor" he replied gravely.
"Twelve
bleedin' Appearances"
Stan was
speaking cockney English. 'Guvnor' is a term used by some of the cockney
English in a way we might use the word "Sir". It must go back
to days when there were a lot more actual Governors around.
I like
it.
"Bleedin'" you can substitute for "Bloody"
or "Fucking" if you want. It is a bit
of harmless swearing. The London cockney English who speak this way tend
to drop off their "h's" at the beginnings of words and
"g's" off the end and "t's'' sometimes also disappear.
I had some
very good banter with Stan and I learned quite a bit. Stan told me that
"Appearances" were the twelve tests someone doing the Knowledge had
to take to prove that they knew their way around London. He told me that they
are very tough.
When I asked
Stan what - as an Englishman - he thought about the birth of the Royal baby he
told me,
"I's
bewaful en et?"
Writing
cockney English phonetically is sending my auto spell-check on my laptop
computer into a frenzy. It does not like it.
"I's
bewaful en et?" is normal English for "It is beautiful isn't it?
I agreed with
Stan that it was and I told him that I thought that it would probably be a
pretty tough life though growing up in the Royal Family.
"Poor
lil bligh'er. Is ol man is a right good geezer an all. bu I wouldn't swap me
life for is few love or money"
OK my spell check
does not like this at all and manually re-correcting is annoying.
Bugger I will
have to do it again to explain what Stan said.
"Poor
lil bligh'er. Is ol man is a right good geezer an' all. bu I wouldn't swap me
life for is few love or money"
....... is
cockney English for:
"Poor
little fellow. His Father is a nice man but I would not swap my life as a Black
Taxi driver for the life of a just-born baby who is now third in line to the
English throne"
A "geezer"
is a word some English use as a substitute for 'man' or 'bloke'.
A geyser is
also a natural phenomenon that sometimes occurs in seismic areas of the world.
It occurs when a lava flow deep under the earth heats up below-surface water
which is then periodically released through a fissure on the earth's surface in
a high pressure gush. These are geysers. Their gushes are called "blows'.
There is a very famous geyser in Yellowstone Park in the US. The Americans
named it 'Old Faithful'. It gushes regularly. I have visited the Yellowstone
National Park and I have seen 'Old Faithful".
I have seen it
blow.
The English
word 'geezer' emerged amongst the cockneys in London in the early part
of the nineteenth century. It was thought to have been originally used to describe
'odd or unusual' people - however in modern times it is just used to describe
anyone male and it is mostly used by the cockney English.
Strange
characters lurked the streets of London in the 1820's. They lurk there still. In the 1820's they wore unusual
costumes and the fashion of the day was peculiar. Some would argue that the fashion of this day is peculiar. Such opinions are subjective - and I digress. I am referring to the early part of the nineteenth century - think Sherlock Holmes. Some
people were thought to be in disguises and they came to be known
as "Guisors". These people who were dressed in disguises
were perhaps the odd people seen by the London cocknies and they adulterated
the word to "Geezers"?
This is one
theory on the origins of the word and it is the one that I like the best.
I like the
sound and use of both words "Guvnor" and "Geezer".
When I return to work back amongst the English in my office on Monday I
shall use both words and I shall use them liberally. I am sure that it will not
be appreciated.
The English
with whom I work are not a very grateful or gracious lot.
I told Stan
that I also thought that the life of the Royal Baby George would not be an easy
one. I told Stan that I thought that he was going to be watched by the world
media for his entire life and he was going to be scrutinized. I also told Stan
that I hoped that the Royal Baby George ended up being like his uncle Prince
Harry.
Stan told me that
he hoped so too. He told me that he liked Prince Harry as well.
My driver to
the airport this evening had not done the Knowledge. He told me that he had
tried and failed on numerous occasions. This drivers name was Jack.
Jack was not
driving a Black Cab. He was driving a normal type of car. Jack worked for a
company named Addison Lee. The English for whom I work use Addison Lee to drive
us in London. They have an Account. Addison Lee a very big Company. They have
many cars all over London and they are a major competitor of English Black
cabs. Jack my Addison Lee driver tonight was a geezer.
“Yorright” he said to me when he
picked me up at the Marriott hotel.
“Yorright” I replied to him.
“Eefrow or
Gatwick son?”
“Heathrow
please” I replied. “Terminal Five”
“Awright me
old mucker”
“Good one”
“’Edding
‘ome to Oz are we?
“Nah back
to Singapore”
“Nice place
to’ ide out until youze fellas learn ‘ow ta play cricket again' me lad. Maybe
learn' ‘ow ta play rugby as well”
England have
been giving Australia a hiding in the Cricket Ashes Test Series that is
currently going on in the UK. We have been destroyed by the English in the
first two games. The British Lions rugby team also recently beat Australia. I
have copped a lot of shit from the English for whom I work in London this week.
Australia
being bested by the English in any field of sport is as rare as it is difficult
to swallow. I have however remained stoic. I have maintained my dignity.
“I am not
talking about sport today Jack”
“I am also
a Kiwi” I
added.
“You
ain’t?”
the driver asked.
“No I am
not really” I confessed.
Pretending to
be a Kiwi is not a very bright idea. They have done very little in the
world sports arena and less than the English in fact. The accents with which
New Zealanders speak are also grating.
They are an
abomination.
Jack and I
mostly chatted about the cost of living in London and Singapore and politics
and wars on our drive to Heathrow airport. We talked about the weather and the
monarchs as well. When I asked Jack whether there was a man named "Addison
Lee' he told me there was not. Jack told me that the Company was started by a
geezer called John Griffin in the 1970's with a single car. He told me that the
first job John Griffin got was a pick up on Addison street and the passenger's
name was Lee and that was the origin of the name.
When I asked
Jack whether he knew if Lee was the surname or the first name of the first
passenger John Griffin picked up - he told me that he didn't know.
We agreed that
the name could be male or female or a first or a last name. Jack laughed when I
suggested that the person could have been Chinese or English. He told me that
he was going to look it up when he got off his shift and I am going to look it
up myself.
Not knowing will
otherwise gnaw away at me.
It will drive
me mad.
The drive to
the Airport from Canary Wharf took less than an hour and the conversation Jack
and I had was pleasant and comfortable and we had a laugh or two.
My flight is
now being called so it is time for me to board the plane and leave.
Until next
time London.
Adieu.
Thanks for
having me.
It's been
nice.
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