The smoke haze
on the island has intensified. The locals are claiming that they are hazed. I
am amazed but not fazed as they are all a little crazed. They are also somewhat
dazed and their eyes are glazed.
Alright enough
with the word shenanigans. This is serious stuff. Here is a view from my office
on a normal day:
This is more
or less the same view today:
The
particulate matter in the air is heavy. The smoke is coming from Indonesia
where enormous tracts of forests are being burned. They are being razed. Tens
of thousands of acres are ablaze on the island of Sumatra and the fires will
likely last for many days. It is also choking the poor Malays. More rhyming
word shenanigans. I can't seem to help myself.
It is
irresistible.
The
Singaporean government are not at all happy with the Indonesians and the smoke
that is choking we inhabitants of the island. Singapore is shrouded in smoke
and ash. Letters have been written and demands have been made. This has
happened before and it will happen again. The Indonesians don't give a fuck.
They really
don't.
The smoke that
is choking Singapore is the worst it has been for more than twenty years.
Visibility is less than 500 meters and planes and flights are now being
affected. When this happened in 1997 it was estimated that the impact on the
economy was more than $9 billion. This was in healthcare costs and disrupted
air travel and loss of business.
The current
President of Indonesia is Susilio Bambang Yudhoyono. The spellcheck function on
my Mac utterly rejects his name. It has thrown up the option of "suss
out bang bang your yo yo". I like this a lot.
It is
brilliant.
The reason
behind the massive burn offs is that the Indonesians are incinerating land in
order to clear it and plant palm trees for the production of palm oil. Burning
forests is a much cheaper option than cutting them down and bulldozing them.
Palm oil is big business. Ironically it is considered an environmentally
friendly option for the production of bio-fuels. Apart from destroying virgin
forests the native habitat of the already endangered orangutans is being
decimated.
This is truly
tragic.
As I made my
way home from work this evening I noticed that many Singaporeans were wearing
face masks to protect themselves from inhaling the smoke contaminated air. In
my warped mind they looked like bespectacled nerdy bank robbers. For reasons I
do not fully understand the sight annoyed me and the desire to set them all on
fire was compelling. I knew that this would only add to the contaminants in the
air so I turned my iPod to full volume and I did my very best to ignore them.
As I alighted the train at Novena station the song by the Cure "Fire in
Cairo" started playing.
The
synchronicity was surreal.
As I arrived
at my condominium the Manager of my Apartment complex Mr. Tan was talking
in an animated fashion to one of the security guards. Both men
were wearing face masks. Their conversation was muffled and I was unsure
how they could understand each other.
Mr. Tan rushed
over to me as I walked up the driveway and made some noises that I assume were
a greeting. I could not understand a word he was saying because of the face
mask.
"Good
evening Mr. Tan. I can not understand what you are saying with that face mask
on"
He pushed the
mask down and said, "Hello Mr. Peter the smoke in the air is
terrible"
"It is
very terrible indeed Mr. Tan", I agreed.
"Mr.
Bang Bang my Yo Yo in Indonesia has much to answer for"
Mr. Tan nodded
his head in agreement.
"Would
you like a face mask to protect yourself from the smoke Mr. Peter?"
"Thank
you Mr. Tan. Yes I will take the face mask that Rahul is wearing please"
Rahul is the
security guard that Mr. Tan was speaking to when I arrived. He is a close associate
of my neighbor and arch enemy Jens the deranged Danish Biker. I am almost
positive that it was Rahul who informed Jens that it was me who told Mr. Tan
that I believed it was the psychotic Dane who was responsible for pooing in
the swimming pool. Jens was subsequently interviewed by both building
management and the police. He was outraged by the accusation but I am quite
sure that he was the guilty party. The man is an animal and he is a certifiable
lunatic.
Although
Rahul's mouth and nose were covered by the face mask that he was wearing I
could tell that he was gasping at my demand for his face mask. His eyes
boggled.
"Give
Mr. Peter your mask", Mr. Tan demanded.
As Rahul
reached to remove his mask I declared, "Don't worry Rahul or Mr. Tan. I
am a smoker and am used to breathing in large volumes of toxic chemicals"
"Are
you sure Mr. Peter?"
Rahul's hands
were trembling with uncertainty.
"I am
quite sure thank you Mr. Tan"
I could see
the palpable relief in Rahul's expression. Then he erred by squinting at me in
what I interpreted to be an act of smugness.
"May I
suggest though Mr. Tan that with the smoke haze worsening Rahul should text you
with hourly updates on the air at the complex throughout the night? This would
give me and the other tenants great comfort should the smoke worsen and intrude
into our apartments. If this happens I may need to come down and take Rahul's
mask. Can?"
As soon as Mr.
Tan leaves the complex - which is usually about 9.00pm each evening - Rahul
goes straight to sleep in the security guard hut. Having him send Mr. Tan a
text message every hour would force the treacherous little weasel to stay awake
for his work shift.
"Can
Mr. Peter. Rahul you will send an SMS update every hour to the Command
Centre" Mr. Tan ordered the now panic stricken security guard.
"Thank
you Mr. Tan"
"You
are most welcome Mr. Peter"
"I bid
you both a good evening then", I said to them both.
Then I marched
off towards the lift lobby through the gloomy haze
"Stay
awake and alert Rahul" I said over my shoulder.
Petty I know -
however the smoke that is veiling the air is choking and annoying me and Rahul
made a grave error in judgment when he took sides with the insane Scandinavian
who is now the bane of my life.
He must now
pay the price.
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