I was sipping
on my latte at the coffee shop this morning when a very sweaty bloke staggered
up to the table next to me and sat down. He was puffing and panting and looked
like he was about to have a heart attack. He was a very big unit and he had an
extremely red face. He had bright red hair as well - blazing red hair and he
was also heavily freckled.
It was a
particularly hot day today, even by Singapore standards. The poor guy was
obviously heat affected. I was quite concerned by his state of health so I
waved to the nice girls at the Spinelli coffee shop and asked them to bring
over a glass of water and then I asked the man if he was alright.
I enquired, "Are
you alright mate?"
"Not
fookin really", he gasped.
"It's
so fookin hot out thar".
It became
instantly apparent to me that the big sweaty unit was Scottish.
He was a Scot.
He was a Sweaty - a sweaty Sweaty in fact.
He was a Scot.
He was a Sweaty - a sweaty Sweaty in fact.
People from
Scotland are commonly called "Sweaties". They are referred to as
Sweaties mostly by the English. This is English rhyming slang. Scottish people
are also referred to as "Jocks" but I do not really know why this is
so. It is similar to the Irish sometimes being referred to as
"Paddies". However the English rhyming slang term for 'Jocks' is
'Sweaty Socks' which is abbreviated to "Sweaties".
This is plural and the singular is "Sweaty".
This is plural and the singular is "Sweaty".
I have written
about rhyming slang before. It can be complex and at times a bit silly. I will
not go into it further here as I do not really like repeating myself.
I work with a
couple of Scottish girls. They are both bonnie lassies and are dear friends of
mine. Neither are Gingers. Their names are Eavan and JoBo. JoBo does a bit of
Scottish sometimes but she lived in France for a long time so she has lost much
of her accent. Eavan is more posh English but she slips in a "Can you
not?" occasionally which is the Scottish way of asking "Can't
you?". She otherwise just sounds English.
Irvine Welsh
is one of my favorite writers and he may be my very favorite in fact. I have
read all of his books so I can speak and understand urban Scottish quite well.
The guy at the table next to me sounded like he was from Glasgow.
I will likely have
to translate a bit for you here if you are not a reader of Irvine Walsh. However
you should all read him as the man is a literary genius. Start with the book
'Train Spotting" and work your way through to "Skagboys".
"Filth" is excellent as well.
"Filth" is excellent as well.
All of his
books are brilliant.
The word "Fookin"
that was uttered by the Scot is "Fucking".
The Scots swear a lot and so do I.
As a Race I generally like Scottish people and I much prefer them to the English.
The Scots swear a lot and so do I.
As a Race I generally like Scottish people and I much prefer them to the English.
Where
necessary I will put the English translation of our conversation in brackets -
otherwise you will not likely understand.
"There
is water coming big fella" I informed him.
I also passed
him a handful of napkins to wipe himself down.
The water
arrived quite quickly and the Scot gulped it down so I called for more and he
gulped that down as well.
After a few
minutes of puffing and panting and gulping and wiping - the redness of Scot's
face disappeared.
Not his hair though - he was a blazing ginger.
Not his hair though - he was a blazing ginger.
There must be
no joy in being a redhead. I know a few and they have been teased all of their
lives. My Tasmanian mate Johnny who lives here in Singapore is doubly cursed as
he is both Tasmanian and a Ginger.
There are a
number of quite derogatory names for redheads but the most common ones are
"Ginger", "Carrot top' and "Ranga". "Ranga"
is an Australian term and it is an abbreviation of the word Orangutan.
An Orangutan is an ape with long reddish hair.
An Orangutan is an ape with long reddish hair.
The current
Australian Prime Minister is a "Ranga" and she is also a bogan and
many would argue that she is also an ape.
I would not dispute this.
I think that she is an appalling Prime Minister of my country and her politics are dreadful. I hope and pray that she is not re-elected in the upcoming Federal elections.
I would not dispute this.
I think that she is an appalling Prime Minister of my country and her politics are dreadful. I hope and pray that she is not re-elected in the upcoming Federal elections.
My mate Berty
who lives in Las Vegas is also a Ginger. He will likely argue that he is a
strawberry blonde but he is not - he is a red head. I have some old photos of
Berty and I when we were teenagers and here is one when we were about 18years
old. This is about one hundred years ago now – or it certainly feels like it.
We were brashly smoking cigarettes over the top of a highly flammable gas
cylinder. We were reckless and stupid in those days and we were lucky that we didn’t
blow ourselves up.
Those were fun days though and we had a ball.
Those were fun days though and we had a ball.
That is me on
the right and Berty on the left. You will see in this picture that Berty is
most definitely a Ginger:
There is in
fact a "Kick a Ginger Day" phenomena which started on an American
show called "South Park" a couple of years ago. It then went viral on
social media things like Facebook and has become an annual event. Whilst it
sounded quite funny, unfortunately a bunch of stupid people around the globe
took it literally and inflicted real harm on some redheaded people. They kicked
and bruised quite a few redheads in nasty acts of bullying. Many of the Gingers
that were bullied were children and they feared for their lives.
The term "this
one is getting beaten like a redhead step child" was uttered in the
film "Wall Street: Money never sleeps". This was the sequel to
the original 1987 movie that was just called, "Wall Street''. The
sequel to "Wall Street" was made twenty three years after the
original film and the "beaten like a redhead step child" was
reference to the value of shares that was declining rapidly on the stock
market. The line was spoken by the ruthless character Gordon Gekko - who was
played by Michael Douglas in both films.
Gekko also
uttered the term, "Greed is Good" in the original film.
Unfortunately the American Wall Street Traders all took this to heart and have
since plunged the whole world into our current global financial crisis.
Fuckers.
When the
sweaty Sweaty who was sitting next to me at the Spinelli's coffee shop had
recovered a bit I asked him what his name was.
I told him my name was Peter.
I told him this because my name is Peter.
I told him my name was Peter.
I told him this because my name is Peter.
The Scot told
me that his name was John and he informed me that he was a visitor to Singapore
and that he was here to see his sister. I was actually hoping that his name was
something like Hamish or Fergus or Dougal because I rather like Scottish men's
names.
But it wasn't.
It was John.
But it wasn't.
It was John.
"Are
you feeling better now John?" I asked
'Aye. Ah
fil a bit shite but better eftir drenken tha' water ' he replied. ("Yes
I feel a bit shit but better after drinking that water")
"Ah
canna hurly breathe at there in tha fookin heat" ("I cannot hardly
breathe out there in that fucking heat")
Writing Sweaty
is causing havoc with my auto spell-check however I am manually over riding it
and will persist.
"Yes
it is hot even for Singapore today" I replied.
"I
cannae unerstan how yis kin poot up wi this soon. Eh is baking ma fookin
brain." ('I cannot understand how you can put up with this sun. It is
baking my fucking brain")
"Ah
ken" I
replied.
I threw in a
bit of Scottish slang myself. "I ken", means ""I
know". I have picked up a lot of Scottish slang from my reading of
Irvine Welsh. I don't get the opportunity to use it very often so I was
thoroughly enjoying myself.
"Everything
is air-conditioned here John and you need to wear light clothes and drink lots
of water." I informed him.
"You
come from Glasgow John? It get's bloody cold over there doesn't it?’ I asked.
"Aye
Peter. Fookin cold. Mae hame in Glegae is fookin covered in snae fer moonths en
Winter. Mae lecky bill fer heaten mae hoose es feerty" ("Yes Peter.
Fucking cold. My home in Glasgow is fucking covered in snow for months in
winter. My electricity bill for heating my house is scary")
We continued
on with our conversation for about an hour like this before John went off to
meet up with his sister.
John told me that his sister’s name is Maureen.
John told me that his sister’s name is Maureen.
During our
discussions he told me that he was "Right tanned las noot". This
translates to, "I was very drunk last night".
Like the Irish, the Scots are very big drinkers.
Like the Irish, the Scots are very big drinkers.
I had to draw
upon all my knowledge from reading Irvine Welsh and concentrate very hard at
times to understand what John was saying. It wasn't fookin easy. Some things I
couldn't understand at all so I just responded with an, "Ah ken"
which seemed to satisfy him.
It was great
though and he seemed like a very nice bloke.
For a sweaty
ginger ranga.
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