6 June 2013

Bogans Again

It would appear that I have outraged and enraged the bogans - well some of them at least. They have read what I wrote about them and they have then written to me. This is in itself surprising as I did not think that bogans read - or wrote. I am unclear on whether I have correctly used the words "written" and "wrote" - they perhaps should be interchanged.

I am not too bothered.

I often forget that there is a Gmail account attached to the blog that I write. I am a novice blogger and I am also not very technologically competent - so there are all sorts of buttons attached to this thing that I don't really get. Some of these things are called 'widgets'.

The Internet world has created a whole new vocabulary and the word 'blog' is a part of this. I think the word has toiletry overtones and I don't really like it.

I prefer to think of it as just writing. 

Anyway I have been away traveling and only just remembered I had a Gmail account attached to the blog. I opened up the mailbox and I was shocked at how many letters there were. Sorry these are Emails which are letters on the Internet. These emails are all from complete strangers. I would like to declare that much of this was fan mail that was praising my writing skills and marveling at my unique insights on the world. However much as I would like to say that - it would be an untruth. Much of it is hate mail - of sorts.

I have had emails from many a lunatic in the USA who have taken great affront at my declarations that they have a long history of invading foreign countries and blowing things up. I have had gun lobbyists from America write to me and tell me that my views on gun ownership are wrong. These gun lobbyists have informed me that the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is for a good guy to shoot him with a gun. The gun lobbyists wrote to tell me that most gun owners are in fact pacifists.

They then threatened to shoot me.

There was also one woman in New York who wrote me lots of emails telling me how wicked and evil I was and she told me that she and her mother were actually praying for my salvation. Her name was Doris. I wrote a post about her called "The Evangelist" and she then stopped writing. It is a great pity as I rather enjoyed her letters.

Please write to me again Doris. I miss you and I need your prayers. I need all the help that I can get.

I have had quite a few letters from random and completely unknown English people who state that they simply don't like being referred to as 'The English". These English also dislike the fact that I occasionally claim that I don't much like them as a race. Heed this English folk - I am Australian and we are not supposed to like the English.

Now the bogans are writing letters of complaint to me. My own kinfolk. 

They are affronted.

I have written only two previous articles about bogans and I do not often re-read what I have written - but I just re-read these. Or is it I do not often re-read what I have wrote?  The quandary of using either ‘written’ and ‘wrote’ again arises – or has it arisen?

The English language confuses me at times.

One article was just titled "Bogans" and the other was named "Bogans Abroad'. I don't think that either article was particularly offensive and I in fact thought that I had written about the bogans in an affectionate kind of a way. I also very clearly specified that there is a little bit of bogan in most of we Australians and it is a part of our national identity.

Alright I may have mentioned that the bogan has a propensity to stab other bogans in the face with broken beer bottles when they have had too much to drink and I did also write that they may have many tattoos and quite a few missing teeth – but this is factual though. You bogans know this to be true.

However I like bogans. I really do. I stated this quite clearly in both of my previous articles.

One bogan who wrote to me on my Gmail account told me:

"you are a basterd (sic) and are un Australian".

This bogan’s name is Mick. This is a not uncommon bogan name. You may note that I wrote the word "bastard" as "basterd". The auto spell check function on my laptop computer tried to correct it but I over-wrote it. "Basterd" is the spelling that Mick the bogan used.

You will also note that I inserted the word 'sic' in brackets after the word "basterd". This does not mean that Mick the bogan was referring to me as a sick bastard - although a case could well be made that I actually am. "Sic" is actually a literary term that is used to define a way that a word was actually written - even though it's spelling was incorrect. It is an abbreviation of the Latin term "sic erat scriptum" which means, "thus was it written".

 I am sure that you knew this already Mick and it is likely common bogan knowledge.

For those of you who are non-Australian and who may not be too sure what bogans are or who I am referring to - I will re-insert a photo of a bogan here.

This is one of the male type and it may well be Mick. A picture does indeed sometimes paint a thousand words:

The term "a picture paints a thousand words" refers to the notion that a single image is able to convey a complex idea. The reference first appeared in a 1911 newspaper article as, "Use a picture. It is worth a thousand words". It was written by the great American journalist and editor Arthur Brisbane in an editorial piece that he wrote to describe the art of writing and the science of publicity.

The crooner Barry Manilow used the line, "If a picture paints a thousand words then why can't I paint you? He sang this question in his best selling song titled, "If". The American Band "Bread" also did a version of the song.

Bogans love Barry Manilow so I am sure that Mick and his mates are familiar with the tune and they may well also have an answer to Barry's quite intriguing question.

Bogans are deep thinkers.

Please keep the hate mail coming for if you have not picked up on it already I quite like the attention. Bring it on you American invaders and blowers-up of things and you gun lobbyists and evangelists as well.

I really do miss you Doris and you and your Mother’s prayers for my salvation.

As for you my fellow Australian bogans, well write as much as you can. I like that you are actually reading what I write and I like that you are reading at all. Venting your dislike of me is very good to just practice your spelling.

But I quite like you bogans - I really do. 

There is a little bit of bogan in me.

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