I am Peter. Peter is me. I am
he.
I am an Australian expat
living and working in Singapore. An ‘expat’ is an expatriate. It is someone who lives outside of his or her
native country – in case you didn’t know. I have been here for nearly five
years and I am old enough to know better.
How time has flied. Or is it
flown? Either way it seems to have passed very quickly.
I live here alone and I miss
my family.
I miss them a lot.
Living in Singapore sometimes
delights me but it often bores me. Mostly it baffles me. It is weird and
wonderful and at times woeful. The natives are friendly but it is a transient
place.
People come and go. They
hither and thither. They breeze in and out. It is a rotating door.
I travel a lot for my work
and I spend a ridiculous amount of time on planes and in airports. I like to
read a lot. I devour books and sometimes I write.
Just for me.
Words do it for me.
They really do.
I like to swim and surf and
the ocean is my friend. I recently discovered a love for mountains too. Big
ones. I often talk to strangers. This sometimes alarms people - especially on
trains and buses but less so on planes.
I don't know why.
I mean no harm.
It is a cautious world that we
live in.
I talk a lot and I often pat
stray dogs. I have yet to be bitten. I have a golden retriever and his name is
Bob. He is much travelled and he now lives back in Australia with my family. He
lived here in Singapore for a while with me but this is no place for a dog. It
is simply too hot and humid. Bob turned fifteen yesterday and he got a turkey
bone for his birthday.
He loved it.
Fifteen is old for a dog and Bob
is more than a hundred years old in human years. He wobbles when he walks and
he groans when he stands and he is as deaf as a doorpost. He still thumps his
tail and grins a lot though but he sleeps much of the time.
He is one my best friends and
I miss his unconditional love.
Every day.
I stand and give up my seat for
old men and women when I catch trains and buses and it annoys me when others
don't.
Stand up that is.
I have opinions and I voice
them and I mostly speak my mind. Occasionally it is to my detriment. Age and
experience has taught me that it is wise sometimes not to.
Speak my mind.
Silence can indeed be golden.
Biting my tongue hurts though
and sometimes a fucker just needs to be called a fucker – no matter the
repercussions. When faced with choices and making decisions I endeavour to do
what is right. I am acutely aware that I fail some of the time but I try not to
do much wrong. I try very hard not to cause any harm. I believe that it is better to be reckless and right than to be
culpable and erroneous.
We should all of us challenge
everything.
I admire and respect kindness
and I value morals. Remember them? The words “Please” and “Thank You” are easy to say and
they carry weight. So too does a smile.
Mother Teresa said, "Peace
begins with a smile" and who could or would argue with a
Saint?
Not me.
I want peace. I crave and
yearn for it.
I believe that we are formed
by what we desire and we are shaped by what we experience.
I would like to say I
never lie but that would be a lie - however I try to be honest most of the
time though.
Or is that a lie?
It isn’t.
Is that?
It is not.
I do not like spiders or
snakes or bats and my favorite animal in the world is the wombat. There is no
hatred or war or acrimony in the wombat world.
I also like whales and
dolphins. I have swum with them before.
Guns frighten me and I don't
get wars. Violence appalls me. I don't think of myself as a coward but some
things scare me. I am fearful of clowns and cornfields and being buried alive.
If I were ever to see a clown emerging from a cornfield with a shovel in his
hand I would run like the wind.
I fear losing people who are
close to me - although I know that this is inevitable and it has happened before. I
found such loss harrowing and excruciating. Grief is a deep wound that takes
much time to heal and there are often scars.
Tempus anima rei.
Time is the soul of
things.
I am sometimes terrified
about tomorrow.
I can make a killer curry and
I also make a mean pesto sauce. The recipe for the pesto sauce was handed down
to me from my Hungarian great grandmother. It has a secret ingredient that
would surprise you. I like anchovies - however they are not the secret
ingredient.
I ring my mum on Tuesday
every week. If I don't ring her she worries and it worries me when she worries.
This only worries her more.
And so it goes.
I wish I could speak French,
Italian or Spanish, as I think that they are musical languages. I also like
listening to Welsh and Irish people because to me they also sound like they are
singing.
I think that giving is
generally better than receiving and I truly believe that those who have - have
a responsibility to those who have not. I used to feel that I was living to
work but I don't anymore and I feel better for it.
Life is short - live it fast.
An Investment Bank employs me
and it is a BIG one. My job mostly satisfies me although occasionally it
baffles me. Irrespective, I am happy to take my Employer’s money as it keeps
the wolves from my door.
What I do is not who I am
though. I once thought it was.
Then I grew up.
I now value contentment more
than success - but that is easy to say.
I swear quite a lot and much
of the time I don’t fucking notice. They are just words and are forms of
expression and emotion. I am aware though that my profanity upsets some people.
I don’t give a fuck.
I like to go to places that
are difficult to get to and where my Blackberry has no reception. Such places
are getting harder to find. It doesn't stop me seeking though. I waiver between being an agnostic and an atheist
but I believe in myself - most of the time.
I am my own faith.
I am a cautious optimist and
I believe that most people are inherently good.
Until proven otherwise.
I try and learn something new
every day. It is not that hard and it doesn't take that much effort.
I understand that winning is
not everything and I have learnt much more from losing. I am more
experienced in losing as well. My life is littered with mistakes but I have moved
rapidly on from them for my ability to change the past is something that I long
ago accepted as being an impossibility. However I love things that seem impossible.
Erring has made me stronger -
and perhaps wiser.
I am worried about what we
are doing to our planet and to ourselves. We are choking our air and are
poisoning our oceans and species are being made extinct. Wars rage and the Rich
get richer and the Poor get poorer.
This sometimes dismays and enrages
me.
I try to shun temptation
unless I can’t resist it.
The unfairness of inequity
often disheartens and infuriates me and I worry too what legacy we will
leave to our children – and our children’s children.
I am a bit of a worrier
sometimes.
I seek wisdom but I
understand that it is difficult to find. I know that we cannot find it in books
or on the Internet and we will never stumble upon it.
We accumulate it - through
our experiences.
I think that Goodness is the
key to everything.
"Bonitas non est pessimism
ease meliorem"
"It is not goodness to be better than the
worst".
However this is all just my
opinion.
This is just a bit of me.
Very insightful introspection. I'm with you on the clowns...
ReplyDeleteI'm curious why you worry about "temptations" as an atheist?
Sounds like you have "Know Thyself" down! Well done. thanks for sharing. Gail
I thank you for taking the time to read me Gail. To sate your curiosity - I don't worry too much about temptations - I simply try to resist them. I don't equate them to any spirituality or biblical reference though and was referring more to an extra dollop of ice-cream sort of temptations.....
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