I have had a Hunter S Thomson
day today. He is amongst my very favourite writers and I am currently
re-reading the Rum Diary. I have read all of Thomson’s works and his brilliance
and genius dazzles me. I rate him right up there with Vonnegut and John Irving.
The man knew how to combine words. He was drug addled and some would argue
psychotic but wow how he could write.
The ‘S’ stands for Stockton
in case you are interested.
Hunter Stockton Thomson.
After work today I went down
to have a splash about in the swimming pool in my apartment complex then to
have a quiet read whilst laying on one of the poolside deck chairs. April and
May are the warmest months of the year in Singapore – and the heat and humidity
are at times almost unbearable.
I think that the heat
contributes - and may perhaps even cause - a great deal of the insanity that is
here on the Island and I believe that Hunter would have very much enjoyed the
place. He would most certainly have been incarcerated - and probably
executed – as there is a zero tolerance for drug users and drug dealers in
Singapore. They first cane them and they then execute them by hanging them.
There is nothing like a good
caning before a hanging.
The term 'flogging a dead
horse' is an idiom. I like idiom and I use them a lot. It has nothing to do
with the zero-tolerance beat-then-hang-them policy of the Singaporean
government but it just came to mind. In these modern times the phrase relates
to a futile line of argument and it is thought to have originated in the
seventeenth century in Ye Olde London town.
I have spelled this in Old
English just because I felt like it.
It is my writing and I can do
as I please.
In the olden days a 'dead
horse' was a descriptor for work that was paid for in advance. Many labourers
supposedly used these advance wages to get drunk or to pay off debts they had
accumulated.
Thus the term arose.
Thomson’s most famous work is
probably ‘Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; A Savage Journey to the Heart of
the American Dream’ - mainly by virtue that a film was made of it. He wrote
the book in 1972 and the film adaptation was released in 1998. It is perhaps an
autobiography of sorts. The book is a first person account of a fictional
character he named Raoul Duke who travels to Las Vegas with his ‘300 pound
Samoan attorney’ named Gonzo to report on a National Narcotics Police
Convention and a desert motorcycle race that was being held there.
Raoul is sidetracked in his
reporting of these events by his search for the ‘American Dream’ and the fact
that he consumes every known narcotic ever invented. The star of the film was
Johhny Depp - with whom Thomson subsequently became very good friends.
My best mate Berty lives in
Las Vegas and he is also a big Hunter S Thomson fan. I have been to the city
many times to visit Berty. He is not very well at the moment. Get well soon
mate – you are constantly on my mind.
There is as much insanity in
Vegas as there is here in Singapore.
Perhaps more.
I love it.
I love Berty too.
Thomson was a greatly
disturbed but incredibly insightful American journalist and author. I say that
he was disturbed – well, because he was.
He was born in Kentucky in
1937 into a normal and middle class family and his father died when he was in
his early teens. The death of his father left the Thomson family impoverished
and Hunter then began to get into trouble with the law. He challenged Authority
throughout his life and he had several stints in jail. In 1966 Hunter spent a
year living with the Hell’s Angels Motorcycle Gang and in 1967 his work, Hell's
Angels: The Strange and Terrible Saga of the Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs was
published.
Thus began his era of
unconventional writing and journalism that he himself described as “Gonzo”.
This was a type of writing where he as the reporter became the central
character. He named his writing style after the fictitious 300-pound Samoan
attorney character from his novel ‘Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; A Savage
Journey to the Heart of the American Dream’
Thomson became very famous in
the American ‘Counter-culture” movement in the US but he all but stopped his
prolific writing in the late 1970’s. He had a particular hatred of the US
President Richard Nixon - well before the Watergate scandal - and he had a
great contempt for Authority and Politicians in general.
So do I.
Hunter used and abused
alcohol and drugs for pretty much all of his adult life and he also liked to
shoot guns. Not at people though – he just liked to fire away at things in the
desert and on his property in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado where he lived
and died. One of his most infamous quotes that describes himself to a tee is:
“I hate to advocate
drugs, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me”
Thomson lived in a heavily
fortified compound in a place he called ‘Owl Farm’ in Colorado and he committed
suicide by shooting himself in the head on February 20, 2005. He was 67 years
old. It is believed that his suicide was not as a result of any act of
desperation but was due to the chronic physical pain that he long endured from
a series of serious health problems. Many of these issues likely resulted from
decades of drug abuse but also from complications that he suffered following
hip-replacement surgery.
A suicide note that was
written by Thomson to his wife was published well after his death in the
Rolling Stone Magazine in an article that he titled, “The Football Season is over”.
Hunter wrote:
"No More Games. No
More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17
years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No
Fun — for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your (old) age. Relax —
This won't hurt."
Thomson left very specific
instructions for his funeral service and this was conducted on 20th
August 2005. This was exactly six months after his death – which is a long
time. The funeral service was a private affair and in accordance with his instructions
his ashes were fired from a cannon whilst fireworks were let off and Bob Dylan’s
song “Mr. Tambourine Man” played. The cannon that fired Hunter’s ashes did so
from atop a 50-metre tall tower that was constructed in the shape of a giant
fist clutching a hallucinogenic peyote button. His good mate – the actor
Johhny Depp, made all the funeral arrangements.
Depp was quoted as saying:
"All I'm doing is
trying to make sure his last wish comes true. I just want to send my pal out
the way he wants to go out”
Nice one Johhny.
In attendance at the funeral
were some other good mates of Thomson’s including the actors Jack Nicholson,
John Cusack, Bill Murray and Sean Penn.
It was very esteemed company.
I wish I had known him.
Sometimes when chatting with
people over drinks or in other social settings the question is asked, “if you
had a dinner party and could invite anyone you wanted to, living or dead, who
would you invite?” I myself often ask this question. My list is easy. Hunter S
Thomson, Kurt Vonnegut, John Irving, Jack Nicholson, Sean Penn, John Belushi,
Winston Churchill, Billy Connelly and Marilyn Monroe.
Marilyn would be the only
girl at the dinner table and I would be mainly interested to hear what she knew
about the Kennedy’s. I would not have invited any of the Kennedy’s to my dinner
party to ask them direct - as it a well known fact that all politicians lie.
Five of my nine invitees are
dead so they wouldn’t eat much.
When I was lying on the
poolside couch reading the Rum Diary a shadow fell upon me. Mr. Tan – the
Building Manager of my apartment complex, cast the shadow. He had a small
bandage on his forehead that was covering an injury that was sustained at the
very spot I was now laying. Mr. Tan and I had butted heads last week. It was an
accidental butting that resulted in the temporary hospitalization of the little
fellow.
It was a most unfortunate
event that pains me to think of it so I will not elaborate any further on the
incident.
“Good evening Mr. Peter” said Mr. Tan.
“Good Evening Mr. Tan” I replied as I put my book aside.
Mr. Tan was alone – which was
unusual. He is normally accompanied by one or both of the Raj who are the Sikh
Security Guards of the complex in which I live. I like Raj and Raj very much
but I was somewhat relieved that they were not with Mr. Tan as they salute me
incessantly and it is driving me nuts.
“Are you feeling better
Mr. Tan?” I enquired.
“Much better thank you
Mr. Peter” he replied.
I did not really want to
engage with Mr. Tan as I had suffered a long day at the office dealing with the
English with whom I work and I was enjoying relaxing and reading the great
Hunter Thomson. I decided then and there though that I would converse with Mr.
Tan purely in Hunter Thomson quotes – or variations of them. I know and have
memorised many. My very good Irish mate James who, like me, lives in Singapore
is also a big Hunter S Thomson fan and we often thrown his quotes at each
other.
“How are you Mr. Peter?
“Things are no longer
what they seem to be Mr. Tan. My telephones are haunted and animals whisper at
me from unseen places.”
Mr. Tan looked startled.
“Will you be attending
the Owners and Tenants Committee meeting to night Mr. Peter?’ Mr. Tan asked.
After accepting an invitation
from Mr. Tan, I recently became a Member of the Owners and Tenants Committee.
It is a truly mad and insane event that Hunter S Thomson would have greatly
enjoyed.
“I will indeed Mr. Tan – I am looking forward to it. It will be like falling down
an elevator shaft and landing in a pool full of mermaids.”
He nodded his head knowingly
in reply but I could tell that he was both alarmed and confused.
“I believe that Mr. Jens
has his twin brother staying with him Mr. Peter - have they caused you any
concern that I should be aware of?”
"He may be a swine,
but he's our swine."
I replied.
Jens is a deranged Danish man
who also lives in our condominium. He currently has his identical twin brother
Dag staying with him. Dag is as mad as his brother and they both amuse me
greatly.
Mr. Tan again nodded an
affirmation but he was now quite obviously nervous. His anxiety was bubbling
and brewing.
“Are you alright Mr.
Peter?”
“I feel a tremendous
distance between myself and everything real.” I responded.
I said all of this to Mr. Tan
in a deadpan fashion.
Deadpan is a type of comic
expression that is delivered without any visible sign of emotion. It is oblique
and blunt. The term and humour emerged in America during the bleak times of
Great Depression in the 1920’s. The word ‘pan’ was a slang term for the face
and dead was expression-less.
With a bit of hindsight
- the Great Depression of the 1920’s doesn’t seem so Great. We now use the term
“Global Financial Crisis” and we have suffered a couple of these in the last
decade.
We are suffering one still.
Mr. Tan hopped about a bit at
my Hunter S Thomson deadpan end of the conversation. I have noticed that
hopping about is something that he is inclined to do when he is agitated or
anxious.
“Is there anything wrong
Mr. Peter?” Mr. Tan
asked.
He was wringing his hands now
and hopping even more and although I wanted to go back to my reading and
solitude, I was beginning to enjoy myself.
“A man can live on his
wits and his balls for only so long Mr. Tan.” I said in a very serious voice.
“You won't find reasonable
men on the tops of tall mountains.” I added.
“Mountains Mr. Peter?”
“Mountains Mr. Tan” I repeated.
“That is very wise Mr.
Peter”
“No man is so foolish that
he may sometimes give another good counsel, and no man so wise that he may not
easily err if he takes no other counsel than his own. He that is taught only by
himself has a fool for a master.” I replied.
“Yes” the now stunned Mr. Tan answered.
“I will leave you now in
peace then with your reading Mr. Peter and I will see you at the meeting later
this evening”
As he started to walk away I
said:
“Drive fast on empty
streets with nothing in mind except falling in love and not getting arrested
Mr. Tan.”
He seemed to pause in his
stride when I said this but he neither replied nor looked back - and I resumed
my reading.
I have decided that for
tonight’s Owners and Tenants Committee meeting I will also speak just in Hunter
S Thomson quotes. I will do it in honor of the great man and because it will be
very good fun.
Vidistis Accessistis
Uuicistis Hunter S
Thomson - you came, you saw and you conquered.
You crazy fucker gonzo
genius.
May you Rest in Peace.
All right - I
have just returned from the meeting and it was indeed very good fun.
I did a fair
bit of note taking from my Hunter S Thomson books prior to attending the
meeting and I took the notes with me to the meeting. I also added to my notes
some Vonnegut quotes - as I consider his literary and comic genius to be almost
the equal of Thomson’s.
On the Owners
and Tenants Committee are four Tans - two of whom are a couple, one is the
Building Manager – the little fellow Tan – and there is another man Tan. There
are three male Tan’s and one female. There is also a Mr. Sim, a Mr. Lim and a
bloke called Howard.
They are all
very nice people.
Tan is a common
name in the Chinese community and it is the equivalent of Smith or Jones to we
Western folk. Sim is quite common as well. I do not know what Howard’s surname
is – which is a bit strange – as is he.
I am referred
to as Mr. Peter by all of my fellow Committee members – with the exception of
Howard – who I am pleased to say is happy to just call me Peter.
Nearly everything
to do with the apartment complex in which I live, including my co-tenants and
the Owners and Tenants Committee of which I am member, is bizarre.
Life in
Singapore is too.
Sometimes I
feel as if I have stepped through the Looking Glass and I have entered Alice’s
Wonderland – or the whole Island has consumed a large dose of magic mushrooms.
Hunter S
Thomson and Kurt Vonnegut would I am sure have loved it.
They really
would.
The only agenda
item that appears to have been discussed at past Owners and Tenant
Committee meetings is the issue of whether or not to get the complex painted.
This discussion has apparently been going on for nearly a year now and while
everyone seems to be in agreement that the exterior of the building needs
painting - no one wants to pay for it.
I attended my
first meeting last month at the invitation of the Building Manager Mr. Tan and
I then raised the point that I thought that we needed more Pool Rules. We only
have about 20 that are currently posted. As I knew it would, the suggestion was
greeted with a great deal of enthusiasm.
Singaporeans
love Rules.
My
recommendation was that additional signage should be erected to specify that
there was to be no peeing or pooing in the pool, no swearing in any
Scandinavian languages, no nudity - and dogs should not be allowed to swim.
Howard – to both my surprise and delight, chipped in and suggested that cats
should also not be permitted to swim in the pool.
To the best of
my knowledge no animals have ever been in or anywhere near the waters of our
swimming pool.
Under the new
Rule system they never will be.
The word
facetious means to treat serious issues with deliberate and inappropriate
humour. I use it often and even though it is a little wasted on many
Singaporeans – as they just don’t get it – it entertains me. As is the case
with many modern day English words, the origin of the word facetious is Latin.
In this case the origin is from the word ‘facetia’ which means ‘jest’ or ‘wit’.
I arrived at
the Owners and Tenant Committee meeting this evening with two packets of Tim
Tam biscuits to share with my fellow members. These are Australian invented and
manufactured chocolate biscuits that are rich and creamy and delicious. The
Americans would call these biscuits cookies but they would be wrong.
They are
biscuits.
The term
‘biscuit’ is also Latin in origin and is derived from the term ‘bis cotus’
- which translates to ‘twice baked’. To the best of my knowledge the Tim Tan is
only once baked. The origins of the American term ‘cookie’ are of no interest
to me.
None
whatsoever.
The Sim, the
Lim, the four Tans and Howard all seemed to like the Tim Tams as they ate a
couple each. I asked the question, “Tim Tam Mr. Tan?” several times as I
passed around the biscuits and I found it to be a bit of a tongue twister. I
enjoyed saying it though and I take pleasure from writing it as well.
I shall write
it again. “Tim Tam Mr. Tan?”
We all
exchanged pleasantries for a little while and we drank some Green Tea before
the meeting formally commenced. We were seated around a square table in one of
two function rooms that are in the building. I had a Tan on either side of me
and was seated directly opposite Howard. The Mr. Tan who is the Building
Manager of the apartment complex is the Chair of the Committee and he sat at
the head of the table.
The one female
Tan - who is the wife of one of the other three Tans – but not the Tan who is
the Building Manager - is the recorder of minutes for the meeting and she is a
copious taker of notes.
Meeting minutes
have got nothing to do with time and there is yet again a Latin connection. In
Latin the word ‘minute’ translates to ‘very small’. In the 1500’s records of
meetings were transcribed in a type of shorthand – which is abbreviated or very
little writing. Ergo they were referred to as minutes.
The name stuck.
My several
pages of Vonnegut and Thomson quotes were cunningly concealed in a manila
folder that I took to the meeting. They were buried amongst some brochures
about painting as well as some fumigation pamphlets.
Mr. Tan
commenced proceedings by asking us all whether there were any issues that
anyone would like to raise. No one said anything for what seemed like a long
time but it was probably only thirty seconds or so. I actually had a couple of
issues to discuss but I wanted to pick my moment and the moment had not yet
arrived.
“We have
arranged for new signage at the swimming pool to include the new Rules
suggested by Mr. Peter and agreed to by the Committee at the last meeting” Mr.
Tan the Building manager declared.
“The new
signage will specify that there is to be no swearing - in any language Mr.
Peter, not just Scandinavian – and there is to be no nude bathing, no
defecation in the water and no dogs or cats will be permitted to swim in the
pool”
I looked at
Howard when Mr. Tan mentioned that cats were not permitted to swim and I gave
him a small nod acknowledging that this was his suggestion.
He looked much
chuffed.
It was my
motion to put in the no swearing in Scandinavian or defecating in the pool.
This was directed at the crazy Danish tenant Jens who has been guilty of both
heinous acts. He remains the prime suspect in the pooing-in-the-pool incident
earlier this year and last month he was arrested for peeing in a public park.
“Nice one
Mr. Tan – these additional rules will hopefully dissuade the Dane Jens,” I said.
“We all know that he is
often drunk and he is crazy at times and people tremble and curse when he goes
to the pool and starts screaming in Danish” I added.
This was a little variation
on a Hunter S Thomson quotation – and my first of the evening.
I had another one too that I
had prepared that related to the deranged Dane and I casually looked down at my
notes for the reference then I looked up and uttered:
“Disgusting as Jens
usually is, on rare occasions he shows flashes of stagnant intelligence - but
his brain is so rotted with drink and dissolute living that whenever he puts it
to work it behaves like an old engine that has gone haywire from being dipped
in lard.
Mrs. Tan was in a writing
frenzy.
All other Tans and the Lim
and Sim were nodding their heads in a solemn fashion, and Howard was grinning
from ear to hear. I think that he was still in a state of euphoria that I had
acknowledged his no-swimming-in-the-pool rule recommendation regarding cats.
“I believe
that we also have a cockroach problem in the complex Mr. Tan that needs to be
addressed”
We do have a
cockroach problem in the condominium complex – or at least in my apartment.
Well it is not a problem really. I have seen one and I don’t like cockroaches
at all.
Two of the man
Tans looked bemused, Mr. Sim and Mr. Lim sat expressionlessly, Mrs. Tan began
scrawling notes again and Howard was grinning like a lunatic.
“A cockroach
problem Mr. Peter?
“A cockroach
problem Mr. Tan” I repeated.
“I have seen
one of these foul creatures in my apartment and I vote that we arrange for a
full fumigation. May I suggest that we have a raising of hands for those people
who concur?”
I added.
Three of the
Tans hands shot up as well as Mr. Sim’s. Howard sat there grinning but he did
not raise his hand - and the Lim remained impassive – also without raising his
hand.
“Those of
you who believe in telekinetics please raise my hand” I said.
All hands
slowly retracted and Mrs. Tan continued taking notes. Howard suddenly shot his
hand up which I thought was as brilliant as it was bizarre.
“We will get
a quotation for a pest inspector of the common areas Mr. Peter but it is the
responsibility of tenants to arrange their own fumigation” Mr. Tan the Building
Manager advised.
“All right thanks - on
some days you get what you want Mr. Tan - and on others, you get what you need” I responded.
I had successfully used a
couple of my quotes and thought that it was a good beginning. Howard – who
still had his hand in the air then said:
“I have also seen a
cockroach in my office and I did not like it either”
“Your office is in the
city Mr. Howard” Mr. Tan
interjected.
He said this quite a curt
voice and he looked a little annoyed.
“Yes” said
Howard loudly.
I do not know Howard very
well. I met him for the first time at the last Owners and Tenants Committee
meeting. His apparent madness was alluring though and I was warming to him very
quickly. I shuffled through my manila folder to find an adequate comment.
“I will fight for your
right to be weird Howard - just as I know you will fight for mine,” I declared with a tone of triumph.
Howard seemed quite pleased
and he put down his hand. Mr. Tan the building Manager now appeared a little
anxious.
“One cockroach is not
necessarily a problem Mr. Peter”
Mr. Lim said.
“Paranoia is just another
word for ignorance Mr. Lim,”
I rebutted.
It wasn’t a great rebuttal
but it was all I had in the way of a quotation reply. For some inexplicable
reason it caused Howard to shoot his hand into the air again.
I warmed to him even more.
I knew I had a Thomson
quotation about being alone and I thought that it could well apply to the
single cockroaches that both Howard and I had seen. I quickly found it in my
scrawled notes.
“We are all alone, born
alone, die alone, and - in spite of True Romance magazines - we shall all
someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were
alone the whole way” I
told Mr. Tan.
“Yes Mr. Peter” Mr. Tan said a nervous voice.
“Yes’ Howard added in a now quite excited
voice and then he shot his arm in the air again.
“Are you getting all of
this down Mrs. Tan?” I
asked.
She looked up from her note
taking and nodded an affirmation and then she resumed her writing.
“So on the issue of the
painting of the condominium”
Mr. Tan the building Manager asserted.
He was endeavouring to get
the session back on track.
“I have received
quotations for all external painting from three vendors and the costs are
considerable”
He then passed around several
pieces of paper to we Committee members. They were all in Chinese Mandarin so I
could not read them.
“I can not read any of
these Mr. Tan”
“I am sorry Mr. Peter”
“I can read them,” Howard announced to me.
This time he raised both of
his arms.
“We are not voting on
anything Mr. Howard” Mr.
Tan said.
“Yes,” said Howard and he then put his arms
down.
I like this Howard a lot.
His madness is superb.
“Would you mind if we
discuss these quotations in Hokkien Peter?
“Not at all Mr. Tan” I replied.
I watched on in silence, as
there was a lengthy and what appeared to be at times quite a heated discussion
between the Committee members. Mr. Lim and one of the Tans who was not the
Building Manager appeared to be arguing over some point. Whilst the jabbering
was going on I shuffled through my notes to see what Hunter S Thomson quotes I
might be able to use when they were finished. I noticed that the only people
not contributing to the discussion were Mrs. Tan - the minute-taker - who was
writing away, and Howard who was now picking his nose.
Whether the exterior of the
apartment gets painted or not is of no consequence to me. I am but a tenant,
the interior of my apartment is well painted - and it will be the owners who
will be required to bare the cost for any exterior painting.
After about ten minutes some
consensus seem to have been reached.
Yes consensus is also Latin
in origin. It means agreement or accord.
“We have agreed to
consider the matter and cost of the painting further Mr. Peter” Mr. Tan advised.
I was prepared for this
outcome - as this issue has been going on for a long time and I suspected that
the Committee would make a decision of further delay. I had a Thomson quote
ready to reply.
“I share a vagrant
optimism that you are making real progress, that you had taken an honest road,
and that the best of us will inevitably make it over the top Mr. Tan. At the
same time, I share a dark suspicion that the life we are leading is a lost
cause, that we are all actors, kidding ourselves along on a senseless odyssey.
It is the tension between these two poles — a restless idealism on one hand and
a sense of impending doom on the other — that keep us going.”
“Yes” Howard said again.
Mr. Tan looked perplexed and
perhaps a little vexed.
“It is obvious that you
are a man who marches through life to the rhythms of some drum I will never
hear Howard” I said to
the strange little fellow.
“Yes” he repeated.
He was beaming when he said
this and I was waiting for him to put up his hand again however it never
eventuated.
As a group we talked for a
little while longer about whether the shrubbery at the front of the complex
should be trimmed monthly or every six weeks and it was agreed that we would
all consider this matter further and discuss it again at the next meeting.
Unfortunately there was no opportunity during this discussion to throw any more
Thomson or Vonnegut quotes into the mix.
After that Mr. Tan asked if
there was any further business and I looked at Howard hopefully for a spark of
insanity but he had nothing more to add. I saw that he had resumed the picking
of his nose.
We finished our Green Tea and
the last of the Tim Tams and I then said goodbye to everyone. I left with the
parting comment:
“Farewell my friends. Walk
tall, kick ass, learn to speak Arabic, love music and never forget you come
from a long line of truth seekers, lovers and warriors”
I think that Mrs. Tan wrote
this down and all of the other Committee members looked a bit confused - with
the exception of Howard, who was grinning like a Cheshire cat and he once again
said a very loud “Yes”.
I very much like Howard. His
peculiarity is intriguing and I shall seek him out soon to see if I can work
out what makes him tick.
Once again it was
a very enjoyable Owners and Tenants Committee
meeting and I look forward to doing it all again next month.
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