14 January 2013


I sat in the little park near my home after work today and just watched the world go by. Some little children were playing on the lawn. There were little boys and girls. Europeans and Singaporeans. They were being closely watched by their Helpers and there was not a mother in sight. They had not a care in the world. The children were dancing and laughing and having fun. 

It was wonderful. 

A couple of the little girls had plastic toy phones and were having pretend conversations. One of these little girls wandered over to me with the phone in her hand. She pressed a button and it rang. It buzzed. To my surprise and delight she handed me the phone and told me that the call was for me. 

No matter how big and bad you might be, when a three year old hands you a toy phone - you answer it.

I talked for a while to an invisible friend. The little girl was giggling at my pretend conversation and I had a chuckle myself. When I handed the phone back and the little girl ran back to her playmates I realized that I had long ago lost my innocence.

I miss believing and trusting that no one would ever hurt me or lie to me. I miss thinking that one day I would rescue that beautiful princess who is locked away in the tower and would heroically rescue her then  we would run away together and live happily ever after. I miss not knowing the pain of loss and heartbreak. I miss dreaming that I could do anything that I set my mind to. I miss believing that the impossible seemed possible. I miss those goodbyes that only meant until tomorrow. Not forever. 

Growing up is not anything like what I imagined it would be.

I can't remember the exact moment that my innocence was lost but I know I never had the chance to say goodbye to it. If anyone happens to find it could you please send it back? 

I miss it a lot.

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