16 April 2015

The Full English Breakfast.

“Y’Oright innit?”

I have said this a lot already.

It is a bit open for interpretation but it is basically saying ‘hello’ in Geezer English.

I like the phrase a lot and I use it liberally.

I am now in London

I know.

I was only in Seoul and Tokyo last week and I spent just the weekend home in Singapore.


Here I am

On the other side of the world.

My ride here was a torrid one.

There was turbulence for most of the thirteen-hour journey and I was much jostled in my narrow but comfortable flat bed. Every time I began to drift off the cursed pilot announced it was time to put seatbelts back on.

For some inexplicable reason he also announced it was OK to undo them if we wanted – but it was advisable not to.

Undo them.

To reinforce the announcements the normally dainty and dignified Singapore Airlines Stewardesses prodded and poked us.

They were relentless.

This happened all night and everyone in my section of the aircraft was pissed off.

Somewhere over the Atlantic ocean seven hours was ripped from my time zone and combined with less than 2 hours sleep and a full day in my London office I am somewhat battered.

I am beaten as well.

I need to stay up for a couple hours more though least I wake up at 3.00am

That will really fuck me up.

The driver who picked me up from Heathrow airport was late.

They always are in London.

I was a bit surprised when he did eventually arrive – about half an hour later than he was due – that it was a bloke called Jack.

Jack drove me to the airport last time I was here which was in July 2013. He works for a company named Addison Lee. The English for whom I work use Addison Lee to drive us in London.

They have an Account.

Addison Lee is a very big Company.

They have many cars all over London and they are a major competitor of English Black cabs.

Jack my Addison Lee driver today was a geezer.

A "geezer" is a word some English use as a substitute for 'man' or 'bloke'.  

A geyser is also a natural phenomenon that sometimes occurs in seismic areas of the world. It occurs when a lava flow deep under the earth heats up below-surface water - which is then periodically released through a fissure on the earth's surface in a high pressure gush.

These are geysers.

Their gushes are called "blows'.

There is a very famous geyser in Yellowstone Park in the US. The Americans named it 'Old Faithful'.

It gushes regularly.

I have visited the Yellowstone National Park and I have seen 'Old Faithful".

I have seen it blow. 

The English word 'geezer' emerged amongst the cockneys in London in the early part of the nineteenth century. It was thought to have been originally used to describe 'odd or unusual' people - however in modern times it is just used to describe anyone male and the cockney English mostly uses it.

Strange characters lurked the streets of London in the 1820's.

They lurk here still.

In the 1820's they wore unusual costumes and the fashion of the day was peculiar. Some would argue that the fashion of this day is peculiar. Such opinions are subjective - and I digress. I am referring to the early part of the nineteenth century.

Think Sherlock Holmes.

Some people were thought to be in disguises and they came to be known as "Guisors". These people who were dressed in disguises were perhaps the odd people seen by the London cocknies and they adulterated the word to "Geezers"? 

This is one theory on the origins of the word and it is the one that I like the best.

I like the sound and use of both words "Guvnor" and "Geezer". When I return to work back amongst the English in my Singapore office next Monday I shall use both words and I shall use them liberally.

I am sure that it will not be appreciated. 

The English with whom I work are not a very grateful or gracious lot.

“Yorright mate” Jack said to me when he picked me up at Airport

“Yorright Jack” I replied to him.

Youse remembers me name son?” He grinned.

I do indeed Jack,” I replied. “Is this a coincidence?”

“No me old mucker – I saws your name on the booking sheet and fought I’d pick youse up”

“Good one Jack”

“’Edding ‘ome to the Marriott then are we? At Canary Wharf?”

“I am thanks Jack”

“Back for work innit?”

“Yes I am here for work Jack - and also to bask in the glory of Australian cricket and rugby and all other sporting endeavours. How have you English been faring Jack?”

The last time I was here in England – the English had been giving Australia a hiding in the Cricket Ashes Test Series and the British Lions rugby team also destroyed us in a number of games on our home soil.

I copped a lot of shit from the English for whom I work in London that visit - and also quite a lot a jibing from Jack on the drive to the airport.  

Australia being bested by the English in any field of sport is as rare as it is difficult to swallow.

“It’s a right old turnaroun’ innit” Jack dourly replied

“You got beaten by Bangladesh in the cricket Jack and by the French in rugby”

“Innit” I added.

“I could ‘ardly believe it” Jack responded.

Jack moaned and carried on as the English do about their lack of ability in the sporting arena - and he and I chatted about everything and anything on our trip into the city. I reminded him at one point in our conversation that when I was last here I asked him whether there was a man named "Addison Lee' who his company was named for - and he told me there was not.

Jack told me that a geezer called John Griffin started the Company in the 1970’s with a single car. He told me that the first job John Griffin got was a pick up on Addison Street and the passenger's name was Lee - and that was the origin of the name.

When I asked Jack back then whether he knew if Lee was the surname or the first name of the first passenger John Griffin picked up - he told me that he didn't know.

We agreed that the name could be male or female or a first or a last name.

Jack laughed when I suggested that the person could have been Chinese or English.

He told me back in July 2013 that he was going to look it up when he got off his shift and I told him I was going to look it up myself. 

I never got around to it and as it turned out neither did he.

The drive to the Airport from Canary Wharf took nearly two hours as there was an accident on the M4 and traffic slowed to a crawl.

Neither Jack nor I cared a bit though – as I was in no rush to get to the office and he was being paid by the job. Our conversation was pleasant and comfortable and we had a laugh or two.

I told Jack that when I was last here – and in fact on the day I arrived - the Royal Baby George was born.

I told him that I was hoping that another Royal baby would be born this visit too and I asked him if there was any news about whether the next Royal baby might arrive early.

The baby is due sometime next week.

“I ‘aven’t ‘eard any news govner but we’s is all ‘opin’ the little blighter is a girl”

This is cockney for “There is no news yet but we are all hoping that it will be a girl”

“I hope it will be a little girl too Jack and I hope too that they name her Dianna”

As an Australian I am not supposed to care for anything royal but I actually do now.

I am passionate about royal babies.

I was caught up in the royal baby frenzy when I was here for the birth of little Prince George and I am now the proud owner of a number of Royal baby tea towels, a Royal baby stubby holder and a beautiful little royal baby soap box.

I have a royal baby collection.

Dianna was the mother of the Princes William and Harry who was allegedly killed in a car accident on the outskirts of Paris - whilst being pursued at high speed by the English paparazzi. There is a conspiracy theory that secret agents may have actually killed her as she was having affairs with at least one Arab prince - and it is also rumored that the father of Prince Harry may not in fact be Prince Charles.

Harry is a ginger and he looks nothing like his brother – but he bears a remarkable similarity to an English Officer that Dianna had an affair with.

Dianna got around a bit.

So does her youngest son Harry.

A ginger is a red headed person if you didn’t know.

I like them both a lot.

Harry and Dianna.

They are not your stereotypical royals - and I enjoy the scandals they have both been entwined in.

My body is telling me it is time to go to sleep now although my mind is somewhat muddled.

Tapping away at the keyboard here I am feeling a little delirious and I am craving the full English breakfast I am going to devour when I wake up in the morning.

Sans the black pudding.

It is an abomination.

Who the fuck would put blood in a sausage?

The French and the English.

Why have I used the word ‘sans’ – which is French for ‘without’?

I have no idea.

Jet lag is a fucker.

It feeds my already festering madness.

Whilst I remembered I have just sent an email to Addison Lee demanding that my driver back to Heathrow airport on Friday night be the Geezer Jack. I have also demanded a to know whether the first passenger Lee was male or female and Asian or Caucasian.

I am definitely losing my mind

I have also cunningly booked Jack for an hour before I actually need him.

Knowing that he will be late.


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