We are
born and then we die.
What
went before and what goes beyond is an unknown so the life we live between
these two certainties is all that matters.
This
is my belief anyway.
The
duration of our current existence is indeterminable. I have learned this from
experience and have lost people who are close to me in both ordinary and
extraordinary circumstances.
Losing
someone you are close to sucks no matter what the circumstances but it is what
it is.
Demise
is a sadness in any exigency however grief is a process that is tied very much
to love.
The
greater the love – the more significant is the loss.
I have
learned this too.
Men
and women are sapient creatures who are as complex as we are unpredictable. I
don’t get a lot of things and my life is littered with mistakes of my own
making. I try however to deliberate and excogitate from my erring.
It’s
not easy.
I try
to use words like excogitate too.
I like
the sound of it.
I like
writing it too.
I
don’t get violence but I have been embroiled in it before.
I
don’t like cruelty either – yet I have been both a victim of it and a
deliverer. I have felt shame and pain in many forms. I am perfectly imperfect
and I hope that I have grown from my inadvertence.
I don’t
know whether I have though and I am not adequately equipped to measure my own
worth.
I
don’t believe in deities or in a faith that is blind.
Why
would I?
How
could I?
I have
seen cruelty and injustice and inequity that horrify me. What manner of god
would permit such atrocities? I have discussed and debated this matter with men
of cloth and monks and lamas and their arguments that man is imperfect are
sound - but they don’t convince me to worship.
I
comprehend the need for belief but my preference is to invest such faith in
myself - and the people who I love.
It is
a big endowment but I can touch and see it.
I can
shape it.
I
believe that the majority of people are inherently good but there are vocal and
powerful minorities that are not - and they are the wreakers of chaos and
havoc.
They
are the ruination of things that really matter.
I
think the teachings of the Bon - which is the foundation of the tutelage of the
man named Buddha make the most sense. He saw and wrote that we are impaired
creatures and that our development into something that he calls enlightenment
is a simple path of compassion and compunction and lenity.
It is
consideration.
I
understand that I am in a minority here in a world awash with religions that
seem more confused than me. I think that the supposedly merciful gods
worshipped by billions would be appalled by the behaviours of the extremists
amongst their devout. Tens and perhaps hundreds of millions of people have
perished in conflicts relating to religion.
Look
at the Middle East.
Look
at Ireland.
The
Crusades.
Hitler.
Stalin.
Amin.
Bush.
Junior
and Senior.
Genocides.
Wars
make no sense yet there are economies that have a dependence on conflict.
Look
at the United States of America. They are warmongers of the highest possible
order – engaging, invading and intruding. The cost of manufacturing and
deployment of weaponry and soldiers would feed the poor of the world and educate
the destitute but they can’t seem to stop.
I
don’t think they can afford to.
To
many people acts of bravery involve death and destruction and peril when real
bravery is the opposite of these things. Gallantry is providing for people who
have less than do we.
It is
tolerance and acceptance.
The
Americans have been occupying foreign lands and devastating populations with
weapons of mass destruction for a hundred years.
They
can’t seem to stop and their hypocrisy and ignorance is terrifying.
I lost
friends and colleagues in the attack on the World Trade Centre in New York. The
event that is forever synonymous now with the numbers nine eleven. The attack
was horrendous but the Americans commemorations of this loss seem to me to be a
glorification of war. Their bombs and drones and military might inflict such
damage – more damage in fact – on so many people in so many countries.
Don’t
they understand?
I
don’t think they do.
I have
known love and hate and joy and despair and I seek wisdom but it is so hard to
find.
So is
myself.
I have
looked high and low.
My
search continues but as I age I am discovering that a purpose might be many
things and there is simplicity and some satisfaction in just being.
I
believe that we are formed by what we desire yet we are shaped by what we
experience and so I endeavour to experience as much as I can.
I cram
my life with people and events and I move around a lot to take in what I can.
I am
restless.
I am
reckless.
New
cultures, new people and talking to strangers have enriched me yet I still
don’t know my purpose.
I do
not know who or why I am.
Yet I
have had a very fortunate life.
I
can’t complain.
Even
though I sometimes do.
Complain.
I
think that kindness may be the key to everything and life lessons relating to
compassion and morality are important but empathy is something that is
inherent.
Selflessness
is not a natural state but it is an important one.
We
need to frequently put ourselves in other shoes.
We
need to put our lives in perspective.
Wealth
is not possessions or money - although that's easy to say when you have enough of both.
It is
goodness.
It is
virtuosity.
It is
righteousness and honour.
These
are noble things.
These
are precious things.
They
may be everything.
I know
where I have been but I still don’t know yet where I am going. At times I feel
so lost and dazed and directionless. I hope to tread a path that causes minimal
harm but I value and cherish experiences. I want to immerse and saturate myself
in my surrounds.
I need
to experience experiences.
They
are the essence and substance of who I may become.
For
the moment though – I think that just being is enough.
No comments :
Post a Comment