27 September 2013

The French Hooker



Lahore. Chill out Mum. Relax - take it easy - I am not with a French hooker. I have heeded your advice to steer clear of all loose and conniving women and I am mostly a good son.

Well sometimes I am.

I have just returned from a lightning trip to Pakistan - to the city of Lahore. The trip was work related and it was my first time.

I was a Pakistan virgin.

I had to dash over to Lahore because a recent earthquake broke one of our buildings – just a little bit.

I went over to get it fixed.

Pakistan is very much like India - where I spend a lot of time - but of course it is - it was once a single country.

Why prostitutes are often referred to as hookers is an interesting story. There is a popular belief that the term is related to - and named after - the American Major General Joseph Hooker - who served in the Union army during the Civil War. Legend has it that the good General's soldiers were not very well behaved and they enjoyed mingling with prostitutes. Apparently legions of such women followed the troops around and General Hooker allowed them to ply their trade.

Some say Hooker actively encouraged such interactions and transactions to provide a form of relaxation and respite for his soldiers from their daily routine of slaughtering and being slaughtered.

This is not the origin of the term though. It was nearly two decades before the Civil War and the term ‘hooker’ was recorded in illustrations in a New York magazine in the middle of the nineteenth century where loose women 'hooked' their horny male victims into paying for ‘favours’.

There you go.

The word ‘whore’ is an old one – as is the profession. It is often described as the world’s oldest profession actually – although I am not sure if that is accurate. There is a very Old English word ‘hore’ that means prostitute or harlot that was supposedly derived from the Germanic word ‘khoran’ which translates to ‘one who desires’. There are a few Scandinavian terms as well which are similar. In Old Norse the word ‘hora’ was used to describe an adulteress - as was the Swedish word ‘hore’.

It is quite interesting that there are so many different words for this profession and I think that the word prostitute is probably the kindest descriptor. The word ‘prostitute’ comes from the Latin term ‘prostitutus’ - which loosely translates to ‘lust for hire’.

I like that.

I personally have no problem with the general concept of people willingly selling their bodies. I would not get very much for mine. Sex as a commodity is fine in my book and far worse things are bought and sold.

Pakistan and India were once a single country and it was the British who split it in 1947. They did this on religious grounds in the British Parliament in something that was called the India Independence Act. Pakistan came into being on the 14th August 1947 and India happened the next day.

So Pakistan is one day older.

The name ‘Pakistan’ means ‘Land of the Pure’ in the Urdu – or Persian language and ‘India’ is a derivation of the Urdu word “Indus’ – which means ‘Land of the Hindu’.

Wars are fought, countries split and mayhem reigns on the basis of religious arguments. Millions of lives have been lost in battles of belief and faith and worship.

I wonder what the respective deities of these religions think about all this killing and blowing up in their names?

I don’t think that they would like it.

My faith is not in an unseen deity. It is a hope for goodness and niceness and honesty and decency. My Mum taught me this – and my Dad too.

Anyway the Hindus and Muslims of what was the main continent of India mostly hated each other, so the British decided to split the India colony into India  - which was predominantly Hindu  - and Pakistan  - which was predominantly Muslim. Both religions hated the British.

There was a lot of violence in the split and this animosity and hatred remains to this day – particularly on the border of the two countries.

There is much shooting and blowing up of each other.

Two very big blokes picked me up from the Lahore airport. Both were immaculately dressed in dark suits and white shirts and they were armed with very big guns. Their names were Aahil and Rehan. I was whisked into a car that had blacked out windows and I was told that it had armoured plating. It felt very dangerous and exciting.

I loved it.

As we were driving from the airport to my little-bit-broken office I asked Aahil and Rehan if their names had an English translation and they told me that they did. Aahil told me that his name could be translated to ‘Prince’ and Rehan to ‘King’.

I had a royal escort.

They asked me if my name had a meaning and I told them it did. I told them that the origin of the name Peter is biblical and it meant ‘rock’. I acknowledged that it was nowhere near as impressive as their names and they said nothing in reply.

I think that their silence on the matter was pure politeness.

When I asked Aahil and Rehan if I was really in any danger in Lahore they said that there was some potential for kidnapping as some Muslim extremists might think that I was an American and could hold me for ransom. They told me that there have been kidnappings and beheadings in Pakistan before. When I informed Aahil and Rehan that I was a pacifist quasi Buddhist Australian they said it didn’t matter. They said that the Muslim extremists would not know that and could grab me anyhow.

I asked Aahil and Rehan if I could have a gun while I was in Lahore to protect myself and they said that it was not possible. I told them I had some experience in shooting guns and blowing things up and they were still not deterred. I have had some experience – well once actually. When I was in Cambodia I shot and blew up some coconuts and jungle with an AK47, a rocket launcher and then a small tank. I told Aahil and Rehan that I was offered the opportunity to blow up a cow but I declined and they did not seem very impressed. I have written about this experience before in an article I titled ‘Hamburger’ and it was my first and only moment of weapons handling.

I was previously an armament virgin.

It was such a quick visit to Lahore that I did not get to see much of the city although I had quick peaks at the ancient walled town and I did a drive-by of some really beautiful mosques.

I am very much looking forward to going back and spending some more time in Lahore and Pakistan. The Pakistani people I met with were very friendly and nice and they were extremely accommodating.

None of them were hookers Mum - and I did not hire any lust while I was there.

Don’t worry on that front.

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