11 March 2013

Pork Pies

I love Pork Pies and believe that they are possibly England’s greatest contribution to the modern culinary world. I eat mine with a little Bramston Pickle, which is also English.

We have a rule amongst the staff where I sit that if you go to London for work or for leisure, you bring back pork pies. Melton Mowbray Pork pies to be specific. As many as you can carry. 

Eavan returned from the UK today. She had been back in Edinburgh where she was visiting her sister who has just had a baby - her first one. So Eavan is now an aunt. She is Aunty Eavan. She is very chuffed and so she should be. I have seen photos of the baby. It is a girl and she is adorable. 

She is gorgeous.

The same Pork Pie rule applies for Hong Kong too. One can get pork pies from Marks and Spencers there. In Central. The Queens Road store. The food section is in the basement. We have Marks and Spencers here in Singapore but they don’t stock pork pies. I have asked them why before and they told me it is a Halal thing.

Halal means ‘permissible’ and it is a term designating any object or an action which is permissible to use or engage in according to Islamic law. Pork is not permissible. All pig products are verboten. Pork, ham and bacon are not Halal. Marks and Spencers in Singapore have a Halal agreement regarding pork pies so they do not stock them.

Eavan bought back eight pork pies and she also bought back some shortbread fingers as well as a haggis for Joanna. Joanna is Scottish - like Eavan. They are both very bonnie lassies and I like them both a lot. They are dear friends of mine.

I have tried haggis before but reluctantly I might add. Joanna is welcome to it. I don’t like it at all. Haggis is the national dish of Scotland. It is a large round sausage made out of the liver, heart and lungs of a sheep. The essential organs. This offal is finely minced and is then mixed with beef or mutton suet then oatmeal is added and it is seasoned with onion, cayenne pepper and a few other spices. The mixture is packed into a sheep's stomach and it is then boiled. 

Horrific huh? 


Well I think so.

I swooped on the pork pies that Eavan bought back from the UK and I claimed them as my own. Eavan didn't mind because she knows that I love them. I gave one each to Dave and the Hammer who are both English. They also love pork pies. One was probably not enough for the Hammer as he is a very large Northerner - from Lancashire. The Hammer eats everything and anything and particularly if it is for free. It is the Northerner way. The Hammer could easily have devoured all eight pork pies in one sitting. I will tell you now that these are mini pork pies. They are the 100 gram versions and not the big ones.

A pork pie is also rhyming slang for a lie. I have told pork pies before and I have been told many. I generally abhor them though. Honesty is always the best policy and liars generally get caught out.

Mark Twain wrote:

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."

He also invented the name "Huckleberry". Twain is one of the great American writers and I have read all of his works. I have read some several times over. 

He is that good.

I decided to hide the remaining pork pies in the staff fridge and take them home for my dinner. I told the Hammer there was none left. I told a pork pie. I put them in a plain paper bag and placed them in the back of the fridge. They were out of sight. The staff fridge is located in our cafeteria. On my way there I noticed several signs denoting the time and location for various training sessions that were being conducted today. These signs are mounted in the foyer on the same floor where my desk is located. The training and meeting rooms for the Bank are also located on the same floor - as is the staff cafeteria. One of the notices informed that there was "Time Management" training being conducted in Meeting Room 3. It was being conducted from 9.00am until 6.00pm.

I couldn't resist. It was manna from heaven. After safely depositing the pork pies I strolled back to my desk and grabbed a yellow "Post It" note. Upon which I wrote the words, "RUNNING LATE." in bold letters. I then stuck it on the training notice. 

The "Post-It" note is also known as the "Sticky Note"- a scientist named Arthur Fry in 1974 invented it. He was working for a company called 3M at the time. The “Post It” note is a piece of paper stationery with a re-adherable strip of adhesive on the back. It is designed for temporarily attaching notes to documents and other surfaces. We have all seen them and we all use them. They have made the 3M company a fortune.

When I walked past the sign later in the morning I noticed that my “Post It” note had been removed. So I replaced it. It was later removed again. This happened throughout the course of the day - four times to be exact. When I left the building this evening I caught the lift down with some of the training participants - the ones in the Time Management training session. I was carrying the paper bag that contained my pork pies. 

They were in hand. 

For my dinner. 

The training participants in the lift were talking amongst themselves and they were discussing how angry the Training Facilitator was at the "RUNNING LATE" messages. I know who the training facilitator is for I have dealt with him before. He is a very serious guy with little sense of humor.

He is witless.

The training participants thought that the "RUNNING LATE" notes were funny. I remained silent on the matter although I was chuckling inside. I felt no obligation to confess that the perpetrator was me however I thought that it was funny too. 

I wouldn’t have done it otherwise.

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