Oops - I did
it again. I threatened to set a Singaporean on fire. I didn’t really mean to
and I have never actually done it before and I never actually would.
Set a
Singaporean on fire.
It just
slipped out because I was frustrated and I was annoyed. I had a little temper
tantrum which I don’t do very often.
I am normally
cool, calm and collected
However the
Singaporeans have misplaced my dry cleaning - my best grey suit with an extra
pair of trousers.
It is very
inconvenient.
The express
service for dry cleaning on the Island is three days. Three days! Normal
service is seven days. I suspect that all dry cleaning is sent to Malaysia and
probably to Johor Bahru which is just over the border - but possibly even to
Kuala Lumpur.
Many
Singaporeans whip over to Johor Bahru for the day just to shop. You can drive
there over the bridge in a car and everything is cheap there. There is a trend
now for some expats to live in JB and commute to Singapore each day as there is
a lot more bang for your buck in Malaysia. Housing rentals are less than half
the price than on the Island. I wouldn’t move to JB though. I have seen the
queues on the bridge and at the immigration check points and I have been in
them.
The wait time
can be hours.
I put my dry
cleaning in on Monday and I was well aware of the three day express rule. I
don’t often wear the full suit and I very rarely wear a tie. I am however
travelling next week and the week after. I depart on Sunday. I have a backlog
of places to go and it is all work.
No play.
In some of
these places a jacket and tie is expected of me. Some people are of the opinion
the clothes maketh the man but I have never thought this way. Who we are is not
defined by how we dress.
That is just
ridiculous.
I come across
very well dressed people in my job all the time. Every day in fact. Many of
them are dicks and fuckers and their fancy clobber doesn’t change this fact. It
is far too hot here in Singapore to wear a jacket and I think ties are just plain
silly. Tying a coloured piece of material around your throat is absurd. It is
ludicrous and it is preposterous. I think I heard somewhere that the origin of
ties were through men wrapping pieces of cloth around their necks to wipe their
faces whilst they were eating. They were napkins of convenience and then they
became fashion. It all went wrong.
Horribly
wrong.
I have tried
to introduce casual Friday at my office. The English refer to it as ‘Dressing
Down”. I lead by example and I attire myself in jeans and a tee shirt and I often
also wear my red shoes. The ones with little crocodile logos on them. Sometimes
I wear thongs. The English refer to thongs as ‘flip flops’ and they think
thongs are skimpy underwear. We call such items ‘G strings”. The New Zealanders
refer to thongs as ‘Jandals’. The footwear type - not the underwear.
Singaporeans call them sandals but they are all incorrect.
They are
thongs.
We Australians
invented them.
The
Singaporeans don’t really like dressing down and at best they will wear
designer jeans with polo tee shirts. The girls in the office wear six inch
heels and they totter around. I stand out like a sore thumb in my scruffy jeans
and tee shirt but I don’t mind at all. I feel comfortable.
That is the
main thing.
I
was in a good mood when I went to pick up my dry cleaning. I had no idea then
that it had gone missing. I had paid for the express service in advance. I was
quite upset when the guy told me he couldn’t find the suit and that he in fact
had no record of it. Even though I had the docket. He told me it was misplaced.
Not
lost.
I became
even more upset when he informed me that the next return delivery would not be
until Monday. He was adamant and he was a bit rude too.
He
was dismissive.
I
tried to explain that I was leaving on Sunday and I really needed my suit. I
was initially quite calm and polite but then he flicked his hand at me and he
gave me a dirty look. So I became more demanding and I even raised my voice. I
insisted that he locate my clothing and return it to me by Friday.
Failing
which I would return - and I would set him on fire.
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