27 October 2012


The English in Singapore are hysterical. They are my primary source of entertainment. They are many here. Whilst I enjoy the banter more with the Irish, I can't help but play with the Poms. I bait them. I hook them up and reel them in. They are still riding the crescendo of their sporting glory of the Olympics. 

They are cocky. 


They are ripe for the plucking.

The English are territorial. The Londoners and southerners mock those from the North. The Northerners are however my favorites. They are hard but humorous creatures. They are dour. Stout. The men are often large of girth. Red of Face. They are not fleet of foot. The same for the women.

The Northerner stock are Miners. Mischief makers. They devour alcohol. They are drinking machines. They can eat anything. And they do. The Northerners greet each other in a peculiar way. They say "Aye oop". I like it. Say it to a Northerner. Give it some northern intonation. Some emphasis. Make it an "AYE OOP". It will delight them. It will make their day. They will give you an "AYE OOP" straight back. 

It is the Northerner way

I have often heard these Northerners (from Yorkshire and Lancashire) referred to as "northern monkeys". Tonight I asked a Londoner why.

Apparently during the Napoleonic wars a group of Northerners found a ship's monkey near drowned and washed up on a remote beach. Monkeys were often kept as pets or mascots on French ships. The was dressed up in a child's clothes. This again was not uncommon. The Northerners stood around the poor creature for a while and they poked it with sticks. 

There were a few concerned "Aye oops" muttered.

The Northerner clock moves slowly in matters requiring thought. Or action. They often need time for contemplation. The Northerners eventually decided that the monkey was a French spy. They accordingly arranged a hasty trial. The monkey was convicted of treason without testimony. The creature was then hung.

This is a true story. It was the funniest thing that I have heard for a while. 

The Northerners still celebrate it.

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